Yes, it’s a jokey title for my first post. That’s because my common default defense against discomfort is humor. It’s a trauma response, bear with me. If you haven’t quickly glanced at the “About Me” page, the short version is that I’m Queer (formerly Gay, we’ll get that bit a little later and probably in a lot more depth other posts) Chicane (I identify as non-binary, again, more on that in later posts) working in the tech industry at the moment. What does that have to do with trauma and its responses? If you can’t guess, you probably don’t have a lot Queer/Trans folks in your life or really know any PoC very well.
Okay, the first question: Why am I here? Or more to the point, why am I doing this blog? Well, I spent a large portion of my academic life chasing after the dream of being an awesome engineer. One of the major reasons is that it seemed both creative and lucrative/financially stable. I’m a first-generation child of Mexican immigrant parents. When I came into this world, my family was working-class on the slippery cusp of becoming lower-middle class. My parents also divorced when I was in 5th grade in the early nineties. So I spent a lot of my youth watching my mother work herself ragged to supply for myself and our family (sin papá). So part of my resolve came from wanting to reach a point of financial stability. However, engineering was not a childhood dream. I was a very creative child. I played music, loved video games, and was rabid reader (Fantasy/Sci-Fi). Starting around middle school, I grew really interested in writing. However, for a variety of reasons I may touch on in later posts, I was never really encouraged to pursue something so creative nor did it ever seem like I’d really be able to support myself in that regard. So I dropped it. In college, I decided to pursue something more mathematical, simply because (practical) mathematics came easy to me. After nearly a decade of community college, then a state university, and finally a fancy private university for grad school, I finally found that financial stability and freedom. Yes, it is sometimes “creative” in some regards. But my soul is not being nourished. Hence I’m looking to return to an earlier passion to reconnect with myself. What am I going to be writing about? Probably a lot about my life. From time to time, I may post some experimental writing (e.g. fiction or poetry).
Also, I deal with a lot of racism, classism, homophobia, and transphobia on the daily, I grew up in home with a lot of domestic violence and abuse, and so a lifetime of that has resulted in PTSD/Complex Trauma. So I’ll probably also be doing a whole lot of venting in a lot of that aforementioned writing. Buckle up amigos!
The other questions: Why are you here? How’d you get in here anyway? Well, if you’re reading this and intend to keep reading this, I’m genuinely interested in why. Are the things I’m talking about resonating with you? Do you have a different perspective or similar experiences that differ in other dimensions? I’d love to here if you do. Do you have questions for me? I’d love to hear them!
The unasked question: Okay, so how often will you be posting? Well, I don’t want to make promises, but for the time being, I intend to post at least once a week. Maybe more if I just have SO much to say that week. Maybe less if I need some me/healing time because there’s something so horrific happening in this country (the U.S.) that I just can’t commit to writing and/or being coherent. Bear with me.